After 6 days back in the classroom after break, I simply can’t decide if I’m feeling renewed or burnt. I’m certainly working much harder and more purposefully than I was before break. I have solid plans, and a solid vision. I feel like a teacher now (as opposed to feeling like a “teacher.”) These things give me a fresh perspective, and at times I genuinely enjoy and look forward to going to work in the morning (which is a huge improvement).

But then, on the other hand, I had about only 8 hours to myself this weekend. I count time when I am sleeping as not being time to myself because I’m usually having some crazy dream about work. Scott and I went to the Egyptian museum in San Jose and then went out for dinner on Saturday. On Sunday we went out for breakfast and we rented a movie to watch in the evening. The whole rest of the time I was working. When you consider that 8 hours is all I get to myself all week, it’s quite easy to see why I am questioning whether I feel renewed or burnt.

Jess and I have planned more than we have ever planned before: we made a long term plan to prepare our students for the CST, we planned a math intervention, we planned really engaging lessons for ELA and math, and we have to restart reading intervention. I know our planning is purposeful and will actually help our students. The flip side of purposeful planning is working relentlessly. Which really means that my to-do list is impossibly long and I am so overwhelmed that I don’t know where to start. It means that after a long weekend of work, I have to extend my workday in the morning (by arriving at school at 7 am) and work until I go to bed at 10 pm.

In spite of all that, I don’t feel burnout in the way I felt it before break. The feeling then was a feeling of general angst about everything, and working in a totally ineffective way. Now I’m just tired, but I know what I’m doing will actually help, so I can at least motivate myself to continue doing it. It is rather overwhelming, though.

In the midst of all of this, I’m supposed to schedule another observation and meeting with my Program Director. She emailed me a date and time, and I somehow got it into my head that it was supposed to be next week. Turns out it’s actually supposed to be tomorrow, and I haven’t turned in the stuff I’m supposed to. My PD called, concerned. I explained to her about my ridiculous to-do list, not to mention all the crazy time constraints on us this week. Instead of telling me to rearrange my plans (like some of my other advisors might do) she rescheduled for a time that was convenient for me. She’s even willing to discuss with me on a weekend if it will make my stress level go down. I might not get a lot of support from my district, I might not get a lot of support from my administration, but I sure do get a lot of support from TFA. And it makes all the difference in the world.